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You couldn’t walk into a single grocery store in the aughts without reading a headline about Jennifer Aniston and pregnancy. It feels deeply cringe to think about now: Just how obsessive and invasive that media narrative was.

And Aniston, finally enjoying her 50s, is able to put the words to it too.

In an interview with Allure for their December cover story the Friends star opened up about the “really hard shit” she’d experienced in her 30s and 40s and opened up about how her fertility story (and the aggro attention being paid to it) contributed to it

“I was trying to get pregnant. It was a challenging road for me, the baby-making road,” she said. “All the years and years and years of speculation… It was really hard. I was going through IVF, drinking Chinese teas, you name it. I was throwing everything at it. I would’ve given anything if someone had said to me, zoloft r ‘Freeze your eggs. Do yourself a favor.’ You just don’t think it.”

She touched on how the media narratives got to her at that time, with claims that she was “just selfish” or career-obsessed in a way that kept her from having children. She said there were even claims that her marriage ended because she “wouldn’t give him a kid.” Just absurd sexist turtles all the way down.

But, now, years out, she acknowledges “the ship has sailed” on her fertility journey — but that she’s made peace with it.

“I have zero regrets,” she says. “I actually feel a little relief now because there is no more, ‘Can I? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.’ I don’t have to think about that anymore.”

That experience, going through IVF, is one she says she’s “spent so many years protecting.” But now, entering this new era of life with clear eyes, Aniston says she’s just about ready to finally talk about it all in her own words:

“I’m going to do that one day,” she says. “I’m going to stop saying, ‘I can’t write.’ … I’m so protective of these parts because I feel like there’s so little that I get to keep to myself. The [world] creates narratives that aren’t true, so I might as well tell the truth. I feel like I’m coming out of hibernation. I don’t have anything to hide.”

Check out our favorite mental health apps for giving your brain some extra TLC:

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